The Lost Journal
by boat
Summary: Edward finds a journal filled with words taken right out of his head. What happens when he finds out the writer he fell in love with was Bella, his enemy? All human.
1. Prologue: Bella

_My person's yours, of course,_

_to see you take your pleasure;_

_I am obliged, perforce,_

_to serve you at your leisure."_

-Young Lady, _Sir Gawain and the Green Knight_

* * *

**Prologue: Bella**

I stared out the window at the murky trees, their green color blending into the black of the night. I sighed and brought my blanket closer. I missed the sun's warm rays caressing my skin and the feel of a warm night against my face. Stupid Forks. Why did I choose this frosted hell to live in? I was suddenly frustrated with myself. I looked around at my blast-from-the-past room and found a stray journal hiding behind my desk.

And thus became how I let out my feelings. Sometimes I would draw furious scribbles, and other times I would write gloomy poems. I found myself lost in its pages hour upon hour, feeling it was the only thing that understood me. Of course I had friends I could share the same secrets with, but it didn't feel the same. I liked knowing no one would know what words were traded between me and the journal. I liked letting everything out and not having to worry about anyone knowing.

I felt so dependent on it, I soon took it everywhere. To school, to work, on a trip to the nearest city. It felt nice to know it was always there. I guess I should have probably realized I would lose it at some point.

* * *

And…end scene.

That was kind of a lame prologue, but you get the gist of the story, eh?

I must sleep now. School calls in the morn…well, technically, it already is the morn.

School calls in five hours, hooray! :)

;boat


	2. Chapter 1: Edward

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight or any of its characters.

"_In good faith," said Gawain, "I would gain too much!_

_Though I am hardly he of whom you are speaking—_

_the honor you outline is obviously more_

_than what I am worth—and how well I know it!"_

_-Sir Gawain and the Green Knight_

* * *

**Chapter One: Edward**

There was a girl in the distance. She sat in a bright white dress on the dirty grass under a lone tree. Her knees were pressed against her chest with her arms holding them close. She looked sad. I had the sudden urge to make her smile, although I had no clue who she was. As I walked forward, my vision blurred and I had the feeling of falling. I was being pulled away from the troublesome girl.

"Wait!" I called out into nothingness. My shoulders started aching, my head started spinning, and I heard my name over and over. My eyes snapped open and I was in my bedroom being shaken awake by my pocket-sized sister. _It was a dream…_

"Come on Edward, get ready!" Alice called over her shoulder as she ran out of my room. She was eager to get to school, as always.

I sighed and shook the memory of the girl out of my mind. I quickly dressed and grabbed a piece of toast on the way out. I ran my fingers through my hair knowing it would just get messed up in a matter of moments.

When we got to school Alice took off to find her friends and I made my way to my first class. There was still twenty minutes to the bell, but I didn't want to make small talk with giddy girls and jealous guys. When I walked into my English class, I saw Bella Swan sitting in the corner next to the window. She was watching the gray sky with a glower. She looked down and wrote something in a notebook. I stared at her in wonder. In the years I've known her, I've never been able to make sense of her mind.

"Good morning, Edward." Mrs. Cartel greeted me from her desk.

"Hello." I gave a small smile to the teacher. I sat down at the table next to Bella as she rolled her eyes, "Good morning, _Isabella._" I called her by her full name just to annoy her.

She shot a scowl my way and scribbled something in her notebook. God, she was so annoying. I remember when we used to be friends. That was before high school. Before anyone cared about their social status. Before we got sucked into different circles and never talked to each other again. We used to spend hours on end talking to each other. Now we barely said anything outside of being Biology partners. There's times when I wish we were friends again just so I could hear what was on her mind.

I turned my head slightly in her direction and peered at her face. She no longer looked angry. Her expression was calm and her eyes looked warmly at the words that flowed out of her pen.

Yeah, this was one of those times.

* * *

The rest of the day went off without a hitch. Well, for the most part. Emmett and I got held after Spanish class because of a stunt he tried to pull, making us both get out late. We were walking to the parking lot when I noticed a black shape in the middle of the green grass. I walked over to it curiously and found it was a journal. Someone must have dropped it in their haste to go home. I looked around but everyone was long gone.

"Just leave it." Emmett said over his shoulder while he kept on his path to the car, "Someone will probably come back looking for it anyways."

I stared after him and pondered his thought. Someone probably _would _come back to find it, but what if someone else found it first? What if secrets were written in it and someone like Jessica Stanley, the school gossip, got her hands on it?

I stuffed the notebook in my bag, promising to put it in the Lost and Found first thing in the morning.

* * *

"Edward!" Alice whined from across the living room, "This math homework is going to kill me." She groaned and hit her head against the wall.

I chuckled, "It's not that hard, Alice."

She scoffed, "That's easy for you to say. You're like, a genius. It's not fair; you got all the smart genes."

I laughed and moved my stuff near her, "What do you need help with?"

And so began the cycle of arguing, scribbling out answers, throwing papers, apologizing, and arguing again. By the end of the half hour we were both furious at each other and we hadn't even gotten past two problems.

I pulled out the History book from my bag, not noticing the journal slipped out with it until Alice asked what it was.

"Nothing," I replied stiffly and shoved it back in my bag.

"Oh, it's nothing?" she stretched her arms and legs, "Then why can't I see it?"

I looked at her little grin through silted eyes, "Because."

Her eyebrows raised, "Nice answer." She said right before dodging for my bag and running off into the closest room.

"Alice!" I banged on the door to the bathroom, jiggling the handle, "Give it back!"

"Or what?" she yelled through the door, "You'll call mommy? Put me in the corner?" I heard a laugh and then the rustling of papers.

Not two seconds later Alice opened the door and had a look of concern on her face, "Edward…did you write this?"

I looked from her expression to the messy writing on the page in confusion, "No…what does it say?"

She looked back down at the journal, "This person really hates their life."

* * *

Yes, that's it. Thanks for encouraging the story from the get-go. I do this all for you guys, not the fame or money. Although I would not be opposed to some cash right about now ;)

;boat


	3. Chapter 2: Bella

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight or any of its characters.

_You fall deeper with each passing day,__  
__But try to hide it in every possible way.__  
__He's only a friend, and nothing else--__  
__That's the lie you keeping telling yourself.__  
__You keep on saying he's just a bud,__  
__But deep inside, you're falling in love._

_-__Momei Qu_

* * *

**Chapter Two: Bella**

"Bells?" Charlie knocked on my door, "You okay in there?"

I looked around at the room I had turned upside down and sighed angrily, "No!" I yelled and threw myself down on a pile of clothes. There was silence on the other side of the door for a few seconds.

"What's wrong?" he asked calmly, trying to turn the locked doorknob.

He started to get frantic with the door after I hadn't said anything. I mumbled to myself in frustration and crawled over to the door, unlocking it just in time for Charlie to smack it open on my face, knocking me over. He ran over to my side and tried to get me back on my feet, but halfway up I slipped on a scarf and fell back over, this time hitting my head on a stack of books.

I groaned and rubbed my scalp, "No. No, I am _not_ alright." I said bitterly, sitting up.

Charlie looked at me with concern swimming in his eyes, "Bella, what's wrong?" he repeated himself.

"I…nothing. Just-bad day. Really, really, really bad day." I spoke out of breath.

Charlie stuck around a while making sure I was alright. I kept telling him that I was fine but on the inside my mind was screaming out in panic. I lost the only thing that listened anymore, my journal. I can't believe I was stupid enough to lose it! At the moment when nothing but chaos was going through my head, I was sure of one thing: I was glad my name wasn't written inside it.

* * *

I slumped around campus, not caring that my shoes were getting muddy or that my hair was being soaked. I didn't notice the people that greeted me on the way to English. I didn't notice the way Edward Cullen's face looked distant when I entered the door or the way Mike, my table partner, was uncharacteristically quiet. When class started, everyone resumed the discussion we had started the other day about Shakespeare. I zoned out for most of the class and doodled on my page of notes. I was counting down the minutes when something familiar shook me out of the trance.

"We look before and after

And pine for what is not;

Our sincerest laughter

With some pain is fraught,

Our sweetest songs are those that tell of  
saddest thought."

I instantly recognized the words as one of my favorite quotes. My head whipped to the source of the words and met the sparkling emerald eyes of my supposed enemy, Edward Cullen. His expression said anything but, "I hate you." I had almost forgotten what it was like to get lost in his eyes, and here I was soaking up every second of it while everyone rustled papers and rushed out the door. He looked curious, even a little eager, while we sat there staring at each other like idiots.

"Bella, Edward? You two are going to be late." Mrs. Cartel spoke tentatively.

He broke the gaze first and gathered his things, the hint of a smile on his face. I crammed my books in my bag and focused on my feet and the growing redness of my face as I walked out of the class, Edward right on my toe. We were out the door and turned our separate ways, as if nothing happened. My spirits were shot down as I realized it was just that: nothing more. _We _were nothing more than anything we've been for years. A quote and one little look weren't going to change anything, I realized.

"Hey Bella!" I heard someone running up behind me.

His hand caught my elbow to hold me back and a shot of electricity ran through my body. I jerked my arm back automatically and looked behind me. Edward stood there looking surprised for a second. He shook himself out of it and looked at me with the same intensity as he had in class. He looked like he was dying to say something but when he opened his mouth, he just closed it again.

"See you in Bio," he said softly.

I tilted my head, searching his eyes for what he really wanted to say or why he wanted to talk to me all of a sudden. His eyes were unfathomable and unreadable, but beautiful all the same. A strand of wet hair fell in front of one of his eyes, making my hand twitch with the urge to move it out of the way. What was bringing all of these feelings out?! I hadn't thought about him this way in so long, was the new curiosity in his eyes going to change that? There was so much history between us; no look could change that…right? Right. I wouldn't let it. I gave a small nod, avoiding his eyes, and walked away.

I was distant throughout the rest of my classes, still thinking about Edward. No, still trying to get him out of my head was more what I was trying to do. Trying and failing, but trying none the less. What was going on in my head! My thoughts ranged from confused to flying high from the look in Edward's eyes. I couldn't understand what was so different about him. He was still the popular, annoying…perfect boy I'd known for years. Ah! Stop it Bella! He's an inconsiderate jerk and you know it. Still…picturing his expression kept proving my spiteful thoughts wrong.

Jessica walked with me to lunch, talking about her latest crush the whole way. I tuned her out and tried to sort my thoughts once and for all before I had to face Edward and his friends. So, what was the conclusion? Did I like him? Had he really changed? Did I even care? Let's start with the easiest question first: Had he really changed? He changed when he started hanging with the sports team, when he stopped talking to me, when he stopped caring. Technically, he had changed, but not recently. Onto the next dilemma: Did I care? In short, yes. Even though he hurt me, I still missed him. I still thought about him, my dreams still favored him, and my heart ached when I saw him. As much as I hate to admit it, I could never be over him. Would I care if he accepted me again? Of course I would. Even after everything he'd done, I would take him back without a second thought. Lastly, did I like him? In the simplest way I can put it…I don't know. There's so much that I can't make sense of and until I could, I didn't know how to answer my own thoughts.

"Bella? Hellooooo?" Jessica's voice interrupted my stream of unanswerable questions.

"Uh, what?" my footing skipped a beat and my weight shifted forward.

My face was inches away from the tile floor and my arms were extended to take the worst of the impact. I shut my eyes and waited, but the fall never came. Instead, I felt strong arms pulling me upright.

* * *

Dunna nunna nun.  
I have to study for a presentation tomorrow in my History class, so I thought I would write this instead   
Sorry for not updating in a while.  
I know this isn't the best excuse, but I have a lotta lotta lot of homework.

Thanks to all of my readers/supporters!  
I love you all.

;boat


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